I have been invited to three different fashion websites to (1) blog; (2) help out with Q&A; and (3) upload suggested outfits using their special software. This is pretty funny considering I am the Anti-Fashionista.

It’s not that I dislike fashion, or some of it anyway. But I have one fashion rule: nothing can itch. I can go for the classic black thing – it never goes out of style, and you can accessorize to change the look. I like accessorizing with cat hairs myself – with six different cats to choose from, there isn’t an event I can’t appropriately dress for.

Lest you think this is frivolous, just try and argue with her calorie-counting logic. First, you take a menu and tally up the items and their calories of all the things you would eat if calories weren’t an issue. Then you choose a sensible meal, say, a sandwich, fries, shake, soda, and a teensy-weensy dessert. Tally up those calories, then subtract them from the mega-meal. Voila! You no doubt have shaved off a serious amount of calories, and times that by five (adding two daily snacks) and what a deal! Genius! And now while my thighs still lightly brush against each other, they no longer fight to see who goes first.

So, much as I appreciate the compliment of being asked to join these fashion websites, I have to be honest and say no. If I had my druthers, I would walk the earth rocking nothing but a tattooed body suit and a shaved head. But I value anonymity and inconspicuousness too much. Good thing for the rest of the world! ;-)
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